How to make a quick buck

1. Be a passenger in the car of a reckless driver whose goal in life is to die on the streets.

2. When the accident happens and you get hurt, sue the driver.

3. Then, sue the road-owner, be it a company or the govt.

4. Since you are on a roll, sue the car-makers! In fact, sue the rubber plantations who make the tyres and the glass blowers who make the windshields. Hell, just sue for the rest of your life. Be a lawyer's best friend (I mean dog).

Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill., says William Humphrey was driving too fast and, perhaps, she should know: she was a passenger in his car. When they got to a construction zone, Humphrey lost control and flipped the car. Ubaudi was thrown from the vehicle and, her attorney J. Michael Weilmuenster says, sustained severe and life-threatening injuries.

Ubaudi has sued Humphrey, asking for "at least $50,000" in damages. Surely if he was driving too fast for road conditions -- such as in a construction zone -- and caused an accident, he should be liable. And indeed, that wouldn't make news in the True Stella Awards. But Ubaudi's attorney didn't want to stop there: not if there were some potentially deep pockets to pick.

The lawsuit, filed in Madison County Circuit Court, thus also names Rowe Construction for "at least $50,000", because it was under state contract to do the construction work on the roadway. Ubaudi claims the company "failed to provide proper and reasonably safe traffic control devices for road construction, failed to properly maintain the public highway in a safe and navigable condition during the road project and failed to provide guardrails or railings during the construction project.

"OK, maybe that's plausible. But that's still not a deep enough pocket. So Ubaudi has also named Mazda Motors, the manufacturer of Humphrey's car, a Miata. And what, pray tell, did they do wrong? She claims the company "failed to provide instructions regarding the safe and proper use of a seatbelt."

One hopes Mazda's attorneys make her swear in court that she has never before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that she's too stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt. Meanwhile, her suit demands "in excess of $150,000" from the automaker, setting their liability at more than three times what the thinks the driver should be on the hook for.

SOURCE:"Driver, Road Contractor, Auto Maker Sued in Accident", Madison County Record, 18 November 2004
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