Book of the year

I have read many books in 2005, but nothing comes close to this.

This excellent book teaches you to spot your mental locks and how to open them. You will recognize your thinking pattern and learn a different method to complement it.

For example, you could be very strong in critical thinking and economic rationality. That is excellent in the workplace because we value people who can solve problems with the shortest time and the least cost.

But life is rarely that simple. Solutions are smudged with uncertainties. An option may solve 80% of the problem, but it worsens the remaining 20%. What do you do when your primary reasoning fails to solve the problem?

Dig into the other side of the mind: parallel thinking.

You see, critical thinking is a process of elimination; It cuts down wasteful options. Parallel thinking is a process of creation; It opens up a universe of possibilities.

Critical thinking emphasizes about how different things are. Nobody would mistake a fridge for a cat. But parallel thinking sees how similar a cat and a fridge is. Both have a place to store fish. Both have a tail. And both purr.

Like a spotlight, critical thinking is bright, clear and intense, but the focus is narrow. Parallel thinking is like a floodlight. It is more diffuse, not as intense, but covers a wider area.

To effectively solve any problem, you need parallel thinking to see all the solutions. Then you use critical thinking to pick the answer.

Personally, I find it useful for 2 kinds of problems. The first kind are new problems that require answers I've never imagined possible. And I learn new things that have not appeared on any books before. It's like blind spots: I can't see what I missed till I turn around.

The second kind of problem is people-related. Parallel thinking taught me how to see a person for all his worth. Instead of thinking about what a person cannot do, I learn to value what a person can be taught.

Look into the mirror today. Is it someone who sticks to the familiar, or someone who learns something new everyday?

The Chronicles of Narnia

I have just watched the Chronicles of Narnia. Normally I won't do this, but the desire to release myself from this experience compels me to comment. Hopefully the writing will grant me peace.

Once again, Disney has brought a children fantasy to life on the silver screen. The movie lasts 140 minutes, though it was supposed to be a standard 90 minutes. Rumour has it that the editors fell sick due to over-exposure from the film. Even censors refused to go near it without chemical warfare protection.

In the movie, 4 British children enter the magical land of Narnia through a wardrobe. Now Narnia happens to be a tourist-free country because there are no immigration officers at the other end of the wardrobe, searching for terrorists, bombs or drugs. Instead, it is a land free of humans, if you excuse a nasty witch.

By accident, 8 year-old Lucy wanders into the wardrobe and meets a fawn. In case you are wondering, a fawn resembles a genetic mixup between a man and a goat. He excels in seducing young girls to his house with tea, toast and sardines. I don't know why, but the word paedophile keeps popping into my head. Maybe Disney Corp picked up a British newspaper.

Talking animals make up the majority of the Narnia population and they are divided into 2 camps: the witch party and the lion tribe. The witch is the incumbent tyrant. The lion, king of beasts and all, plots high treason because he hasn't had any Christmas gifts for a hundred years. And it was because Santa Claus took an extended break and pinned the blame on the witch... No wait, that part was from The Grinch That Stole Christmas.

And there's supposed to be a prophecy that every animal in Narnia knows because it's standard kindergarten material. One day, 4 kids would come and rescue them from the cold bitch. Now that must be true, because I saw the same storyline in The Matrix.

One part that confuses me though: why is Narnia a magical land when the witch is the only one who casts magic? Sure there are satyrs, minotaurs and talking beavers, but I really fail to appreciate the magic. You would have expected the 4 kids to wield a wand, chant some spells or toss some fireballs. But no, they did not. Sigh... But I can't blame them, can I? There's no magic in A Series of Unfortunate Events too.

Moving on... Kids meet witch. Kids run away to join the lion's gang. Kids fight and witch dies. Kids become kings and queens of Narnia. Lion takes a long walk along the coastline and forgets to come back. Kids go back to the real world. All's well that ends well. Freakingly, wholesomely, nicely boring stuff.

Excuse me, Disney executives, have you heard of the wizard Harry Porter? No? Oh nevermind.

Don't talk during lunch

I buy my lunch at the coffeeshop or hawker centre every afternoon. You can see all kinds of people there. Office folks, labour folks, study folks... It's a global thing. We eat lunch in the middle of the day because we are hungry.

Everytime I'm in the queue, I think about them. What are they thinking right now? What are they chatting in-between mouthfuls of food? What occupies their minds after swallowing their coffee?

Maybe they are drooling over the new girl whose skirt fails to discipline her creamy legs.

Maybe they are cursing the CEO who stole from the donors, the kidney patients and the NKF staff outside of his bloody gang.

Maybe they are just choking over a stupid joke.

I don't know. But one thing I'm sure. They are not talking about ads.

Because the ads today talk about how the product is the grandest, the superest or the bestest.

Because the ads today talk about how smart the ads are, with concepts that need no words to explain themselves.

Because the ads today talk about how the cutting-edge techniques win the copywriters and art directors so many awards in the international scene.

And because the ads today talk so much, people no longer listen. After all, they are not in advertising. Why should they care?

When I go to a doctor, I don't want to know his college life, his X-ray machine, or his 54-year old nurse. What I'm more interested is the headache that threatens to split my skull and when I'm going to recover from it.

The cliche goes: What's in it for me?

The next time you are out for lunch, think. Is your ad talking to them? You can't persuade if they aren't listening.

A good ad stops the reader. A great ad feeds his mind, warms his heart and bursts out of his mouth during lunch.

So buy your food, sit down and stay quiet. Don't talk too much. Listen. Lunchtime is crunchtime.

What is The Final Solution?

Is it:

1. A mathematical hypothesis that can divide any number by zero and thus prove how the universe came together?

2. An ongoing debate among the World Health Organization to eradicate AIDS in Africa by 2060?

3. A systematic elimination of Jews by Germans in World War 2?

4. A logical process Sherlock Holmes devised to crack his murder mysteries?

The answer:

Perhaps, you are familiar with its other name: The Holocaust.

This happened in World War 2. The Nazis had decided the Jewish peoples were troubling his European conquest. So Hitler devised a plan to round up the Jews and murder them. 6 million Jews were imprisoned in concentration camps and gassed, shot and mutilated.

This decision to systematically kill the Jews of Europe was made at the Wannsee conference in Berlin. During the conference, a group of Nazi officials convened to decide on the "Final Solution of the Jewish Question". The records and minutes of this meeting were found intact by the Allies at the end of the war and served as valuable evidence during the Nuremberg Trials.

The Final Solution was the blueprint; The Holocaust was the execution.

Baby Blues!

I love this strip. The artists must be genuine parents. Either that, or they are extremely talented folks.

What do you make?

I took this from a Graduation Speech by Thomas Friedman.

... It goes like this: "The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued this way. 'What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher? You know, it's true what they say about teachers: 'Those who can do, do; those who can't do, teach.' To corroborate his statement he said to another guest, 'Hey, Susan, you're a teacher. Be honest, what do you make?'

"Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness, replied, 'You want to know what I make? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could and I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence. I can make a C-plus feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor and an A feel like a slap in the face if the student didn't do his or her very best.' Susan continued, 'I can make parents tremble when I call home or feel almost like they won the lottery when I tell them how well their child is progressing.'

Gaining speed, she went on: 'You want to know what I make? I make kids wonder, I make them question, I make them criticize, I make them apologize and mean it, I make them write and I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math and hide it all on their final drafts in English.'

Susan then stopped and cleared her throat. 'I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart. And if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make in money, you pay them no attention.'

Susan then paused. 'You want to know what I make?' she said. 'I make a difference. What about you?'"

LOST, with too much time

Found this thread on a forum. Someone started a funny dialogue with Jack and Locke, and everybody just pitched in with a new line. A bit long though, but funny. You need to watch Season 2 Ep 9 to appreciate some parts.

*Jack was strolling in the hatch when the key around his neck decided to stick to the concrete wall.

Jack : Uhhh.. Guys? Help?
Locke : The key wants to be on the wall, listen to what the key is trying to tell you, it's your destiny dammit!!
Ana Lucia : Oh forget it! Forget the damn key, just let me shoot it!!
Michael : They took my son!!
Jin : Udders, Udders!
Hurley : Dude?? Would you...like...let the key go???
Eko :........(long pause....like 40 or so days) i would like to explain this all.....if you dont mind
Charlie : Off course I bloody mind....and stay away from Virgin Mary statue you friggin' lunatic
Eko : ...... (another long pause) I think its magnetic ....
Jack : Shut up all of you! i can't stand this, i'm going to drink some wine. Ana Lucia, if you would join me to have a baby while i abandon you in a future episode. Thank you!
AnaL : We'll just take this baby, its easier
Claire : You can't take my baby!
Charlie : Give us back our baby!
Claire : Its my baby Charlie, mine!
Jin : Udders! Udders!
Sawyer : What the hell's with all this Udders business Jackie Chan?
Eko : I can explain about the Udders............................................ .......
Sayid : Does anyone speak French?
Danielle : The Others are coming for the boy, they want him to milk them! By the way, wait why i am so early here in season 2?
Walt : I'm gonna play with Mr. Locke
Michael : Stay away from Mr. Locke, Walt. They took my son.
Desmond : "you gotta make your own kinda music" ... woah, where did you guys come from ??
Kate : Sorry boys, gotta run. I have a black horse to catch.
Sawyer : Well hang on there freckles, I saw that horse too and its half mine ..
Horse : If you break me open you'll find that i'm full of heroin
Charlie : Bloody hell , that sounds like a good horse.
Horse : I'm a charlie horse. Hahahaha... But i'm not a very funny horse.
Walt : dab, nottub on..
Michael : WALT!!! HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON?!
Hurley : Uhh, dude? That is your son.
Michael : No, he can't be. My son doesn't constantly drip water out of his mouth and speak in a creepy backwards language.
Locke : Maybe the island is trying to tell us something. Maybe we should all wear water wings in case the ocean rises.
Eko : Do not confuse coincidence w-- *gets smacked by Jin*
AnaL : Wow, thanks Jin, I've wanted to do that for a while.
Rose : hello...i'm off now, i dont like it in here...
Vincent : woof woof woof
Walt : sdrawkcab klat em ekam sreddu
Jack : slow down, don't everybody start talking at the same time
The Monster : grawrawrlarwarl
Eko : The Lord is my Shepherd.... AAAAHJKLSDHLKD *gets eaten by monster*
Sayid : Ohhhhkaaaay. Don't think I've ever seen someone get eaten by black smoke before. That was.. interesting.
Shannon : Yeah, strange.
Sayid : ?!??! Shannon?! I thought you were dead!
Shannon : Oh whoops, sorry. Thought this was a season one thread.. *sneaks off*
Sawyer: Oh crap, Shaft got shafted by the monster(turns to AL), Hotlips, here is your chance to be a bitch again, shoot that thing!
Hurley : Dude..where are Rose and Bernard? *hears some weird noises from the weapon's chamber*
Polar bear : hey, how come the horse can talk and not me?! oh.. wait a second....
Charlie : Oi you dirty old gits...my baby's trying to bloody sleep, keep it down you
Claire : But Charlie.....
Charlie : For Pete's sake woman shut up!
Sun : i'd like to hear Scott's opinion on this
Walt : that's steve....scott's dead
Michael : oh so it WAS scott who died, wait a second.....WAAAAAAALT!!!!!!
Desmond : do you want him to die? .....brother.
AnaL : Yea, let me kill him
Locke : it's desmond's destiny dammit, dont tell him what he can't do!
Boone('s ghost) : if it's his destiny, john, why hasnt he done it then
Locke : the island will tell him what to do!!
Hurley : the islands kinda...cursed.
Locke : Hugo, it may be cursed, but dont stand in the way of destiny!
Danielle : yes....i agree, it is cursed....
Charlie : don't listen to her, she's missing a bloody wingnut!
Danielle : what iz diss? Wing-nut did ju say? 'Av we recited de Notre Dame au jour dui?
Sayid : So, this curse - maybe I could use a triangulation to find it.
Danielle : I hear them, out there in the jungle, they whisper...
Libby : I need a drink..
AnaL : I heard that..
Dr. Marvin Candle : Do not attempt to use this thread for anything else other than the entering of the code...
Walt : Dad?
Michael: YOU TOOK MY BOY!
Walt : how did i take myself dad? u been using some of that gunk locke put on boones head?
Locke : Don't tell me what I can't do! The island told me to do it.
AnaL : Alright everyone, get up - we're moving out.
Sawyer : Is that right, Rambina?
Sun : Mykul, wait! The udders took my wedding ring too!
Rose : Honey, dont get your knickers in a twist. It will be here on the island, i just know
Bernard : give me more chocolate, woman!
Sun : Mykul Mykul my wedding ring!
Michael : They took my son!
Desmond: 4 8 15 16 23 42 * 4 8 15 16 23 42*
Michael: *looks at Desmond* Whate the hell is with you and those numbers? They took my son, man! Waaaaalt!! Waaaaaalt!!
Desmond: You type in these numbers brotha, and you might find your real son...
Michael: *???* Type what in where??
Locke: (chuckles lightly)...they took your son (gets a little nasty) well they took my kidney and I want it back dammit
Jack: well..John....I have Boone's Kidney...was keeping it incase..y'know
Sawyer: In case of what Dr Frankenstein?
Eko:.....................err.....sup guys!
Danielle: Hi Eko, your new here, are'nt you, your drug plane brother must be proud.
Eko: Your a udder, DIE!
Sayid: Eko! no, don't do it, she lost her baby!
Eko: Okay, i am sorry. *cries
ABC: What if you are on a plane flying from Sidney to Los Angeles? A plane full of strangers... ...
Everybody: Dude, we already know that.

This actually happened

Xbox 360 just launched in the US and it ran out of stock. The unfulfilled demand motivated people to rob others at gun-point.

Sigh. There's no more hope for us.

Some phrases I've learnt over the week

I agree. - You've got a point.

I'm wrong and I'm sorry. - I'm only human.

I don't know. - Only God knows everything.

What do you think? - Exactly. What do you think?

Yes. - I don't agree yet, but I'm listening.

Why do you think so? - Tell me why I should agree with you.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Caught the movie last Tuesday. It was based on a true story of Anneliese Michel, a German girl who was possessed and her priest was subsequently charged with negligient manslaughter.

6 demons possessed Emily. Why 6, you ask? A bargain, maybe. Buy 1 demon possession, get 5 more demons?

And why would Emily, a girl of stout religious faith, be possessed? Don't really know too. Maybe a test of faith?

Office evolution

Dilbert started in 1989, making it a 16-year marathon. Makes you wonder what the author, Scott Adams grew up on. Must be plenty of oppression, cynicsm and higher-order ignorance.

Well, when you have a good thing going, don't stop. More blood, sweat and balls in the corporate jungle, please, thank you.

Man Utd 1 - 0 Chelsea

After a horrendous week, Man Utd reversed their decline with a win over the runaway 2004 Champion, Chelsea.

Had you seen the way the Chelsea players swaggered into Old Trafford stadium, you would have prayed for Man Utd for all 90 minutes.

The Man Utd squad stood up to the pressure, especially after the harsh criticism from their injured captain, Roy Keane. His apprentice, Alan Smith shone on the pitch to guide the young squad, and was awarded the Man of the Match. Here's a poem by Soccernet on his performance.

The Village Smith, for Alan Smith
Under a spreading chestnut tree,
The Manchester Smithy stands,
Alan Smith, a mighty man is he,
United midfield in his hands,

His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He'll play wherever he can.
And looks the whole world in the face,
For he owes not any man.

Week in, week out, from morn til night,
You'll hear his lungs a-blow,
As a Roman warrior beating his chest,
When his troops are low.

When DOTA meets Politics

Ass Ripper - The Supreme Ruler
Primary: Intelligence
Appearance: Mounts a white horse and governs from afar.



Superscale Salary
To attract the best, you have to pay the best. Aura. Leaches gold from creeps everytime they kill something.


Level 1 - Leaches 40% of gold. AOE = 1/4 of map.
Level 2 - Leaches 60% of gold AOE = 1/3 of map.
Level 3 - Leaches 80% of gold. AOE = 1/2 of map.
Level 4 - Leaches 100% of gold. Covers the entire map.


Pre-election Tactics (T)
Ass Ripper whips out a loud-hailer and starts lying. Increases attack & movement speed, but insults units' intelligence. Cooldown: 4 years.

Level 1 - Attack & movement speed increase by 100%, intelligence decrease by 70%
Level 2 - Attack & movement speed increase by 200, intelligence decrease by 80%
Level 3 - Attack & movement speed increase by 300%, intelligence decrease by 90%
Level 4 - Attack & movement speed increase by 400%, intelligence becomes zero.


Post-election Strategy (S)
Having won the election, Ass Ripper enjoys the fruits of his labour by disappearing from the battlefield. Teleports hero to an ally unit or building.

Level 1 - 30 second cooldown.
Level 2 - 20 second cooldown.
Level 3 - 10 second cooldown.
Level 4 - 5 second cooldown.


Bankruptcy
Any hero foolish enough to attack Ass Ripper will feel the wrath of his lawyers. Opponents usually scream a rush of expletives before exiting the game in disgust.

Level 1 - 30% chance of activation. Sucks 50% of enemy's gold.
Level 2 - 40% chance of activation. Sucks 75% of enemy's gold.
Level 3 - 50% chance of activation. Sucks 100% of enemy's gold.

It's all relative

How to watch a child die

Avert your gaze from his eyes,
even if they plead for you to be drawn to their depths.
Instead focus on his sallow complexion
the sun crawling on his aged skin,
the colour of the well-trodden carpet
in your living room;
the spot where your son once threw his football boots
and you missed bleaching for the past few years.

Do not try to guess his age
ot say, he is older than he looks
as you study his brittle bones, too-large head
and the empty basket of his ribcage.
Think instead of the sound they may make
when his body is thrown into a ditch;
the sound of the rain whipping through branches,
the crackling of a creek before thaw
or your antique vase
crashing into smithereens
from its place on the matelpiece.

Turn away from the blank faces of your own children
and make no associations.
Pretend you do not notice
how your teenager leaves her food
uneaten on her plate (Convince yourself you are
not an escapist) After all,
this skeletal child is merely
a marionette in a macabre fairytale.

Now, ignore the queasy feeling in your stomach
as you get up to dish out the dessert.
Resolve to write to the authorities
to complain for showing such
disturbing footage during dinner.

Be blind to the broken birds of the child's
hands as they reach out pleading to be held,
the rolling whites of his eyes, the bruised animals
of his lips, parting, as he takes his last...

Turn off the television set.

Children should not know that
(in some very remote parts of the world)
they may die before their mothers.

- Amanda Chong, 16 year old, wrote this poem. It won this year's Foyle Young Poets of the Year Award.

Failures

Before Abraham Lincoln got into the White House, he did the following:

Failed in business in 1831.
Defeated for Legislature in 1832.
Failed in business again in 1833.
Suffered nervous breakdown in 1836.
Defeated for Speaker in 1838.
Defeated for Elector in 1840.
Defeated for Congress in 1843.
Defeated for Congress in 1848.
Defeated for Senate in 1855.
Defeated for Vice President in 1856.
Defeated for Senate in 1858.

He was elected President in 1860, after 29 years of failing in the public limelight.

I know failure too. Over the last month, I had been to 8 agencies, with not a single offering. One of the CD said everything sucked, and told me to stop this nonsense. Bollocks.

I choose not to give up.

Faith

Faith is the currency of the soul. It is the voice that tells us to hold on when the world insult our intentions. It catches us when we crash to the harsh realities of life.

For all it's worth, we find faith only after we throw away everything false to our lives.

Do you have faith?

Secrets

I read a book recently, and found it relevant to advertising. Here are the main principles.

It's tough to answer a brief. Part of the problem is deciding what to say. A good way to begin is to ask: what is my purpose? What am I trying to accomplish by composing and delivering this particular message to this particular audience?

Purpose is a fundamental concept, because the reason we communicate is to get things done. To bring a change in someone's thoughts or actions. We want to move the audience from Point A (where they are, intellectually, emotionally or behaviourally) to Point B. Point B could be buying a product, prefering a brand over another, or simply watching the football match on Saturday.

You can either confirm, challenge or change, your reader's emotions, beliefs or behaviour. They make a matrix of 9 combinations, of which you can only accomplish one at a time. Don't be greedy.

Even if you are only conveying information, try to understand why you are doing so. If not, you might as well read them the phone book.

There should be no secrets about your purpose. Your reader must be able to understand all your intentions. They must understand why each piece of your message is there, and how it fits with the rest.

Never leave them thinking, "Now why is he telling me this?"

Your purpose will control your content. Everything that helps you acomplish your purpose goes in. Other things go out.

What goes into your mesage is also determined by the needs of the audience. In most cases, you will have little personal acquaintances with your audiences. And yet, if your communication is to be effective, you need to make assumptions.

Consider the act of buying a gift for a total stranger. You could buy something (anything), but you won't know how they would react.

Think about the reader, and what you want them to do. Double-check to see if your readers find your message, important, interesting or useful to them. Know when your reader agrees with you and when they think you are bull-shitting.

The audience and the purpose controls the content. Always.

What if we run out?

Ad people think of ideas to solve advertising problems. How do we do it?

In the initial concept stage, we go for quantity, not quality. We let the crap seep out. We churn our minds inside out. We dump every idea remotely related to the problem.

An average thinking session should generate 20 to 30 ideas. If we are lucky, we'll find 2 are good, 6 or 7 are interesting and the rest suck. Without missing a beat, we enter another session and we repeat till the ideal solution turns up.

We have nightmares of the day our ideas run dry. That is why we stock up on trivia and information people have for their day jobs. We rack up irrelevant stuff in the hope of turning it into gold.

When the day comes and we run out of ideas, what happens then?

The world will not stop. Neither will the skies crumble into the embrace of the blue oceans. The invisible hand will not rest and the wheels of capitalism will not grind to a halt. People still love people. Babies still cry. Bees still make honey and the flowers still bloom.

The ad man will shrug his shoulders and head for the streets, where his readers are. The answers don't lie inside our heads. The answer lies inside the readers' minds, and hearts. Too often, we learn this fact only when our ideas don't work and our minds are empty.

The day our ideas run out is the day our minds empty and we open our eyes to see.

Style

This book was written as a guide for novelists to scrub their prose free of dirt. With decent education, everybody can string a coherent sentence. This book brings the writer beyond that. It teaches how to write with impact.

2 themes threaded the chapters together. The first theme reminds writers of the ancient wisdom of showing, not telling. Don't tell how angry you are; show what happened and let the reader feel the rage, firsthand.

This is telling: That jerk made fun of the old man on the street.

This is showing: He took out some change from his pocket and strolled up to the old man trembling by the roadside. "You want them old man? Go pick them." He threw the coins into the mud and snickered as the old man ran after them.

The second theme in the book warns of author intrusion. Unless you are writing an essay, your opinions stay off the page. You want the reader to enter your story. If you share your beliefs, biases or ego, the reader crashes back into reality.

That jerk made fun of the old man on the street. The word "jerk" alerts the reader to your presence. Copywriters must pay extra attention to this point, because you write to the reader, on behalf of the client. If your voice seeps through the copy and disturbs the reader, the ad will fail its purpose.

Chiobu from a game

This is one MMORPG I'm getting into

Ideas vs insights

What makes a good ad? Hard to say. Some say good ads touch people in the heart. Others say good ads sell. Others maintain good ads talk to the audience as if they have known each other for many years.

But they agree, good ads have an idea.

Imagine a night market where people exhibit their wares. Some swear by the quality of their wares; others under-price; some wait for the elusive customer to pursue them; others lie.

Let's say a store is selling knives. The owner may demonstrate his knives by slicing steel that looks like butter. Clever eh? The first impression is butter. On a closer look, you realise it's steel and wow.

The owner is pleased. He sells the sharpest knives. And people noticed it in a different way.

An idea leads the reader towards a familiar line of information, and at the very last minute, you ram your real message into his mind. Like military tactics of firebase and flanking. You distract him enough for your clever idea to assault from an unexpected source. The reader never sees it coming.

How about insights? What are insights?

They are the peepholes of humanity. They spring from a warm-blooded human being. People who engage in the same activities will share the same insights, though they might not notice them. It's like the water surrounding the fish. You don't know till you are out of it.

For example, people procrastinate when it comes to tedious labour, like physical sports. Especially physical sports. So Nike said, Just Do It. Nothing fancy. No brilliant idea. You'll see it coming a mile away. But everytime it hits, you'll still miss a heartbeat. Because it's real. Just do it.

Good ads have ideas. Good ads have insights. Great ads, have insights to power the idea.

Imagine you always score 2nd in school, in sports and in life (come on, it's not that hard). You never enjoy the glamour of winning. You don't have enough fans. People hesitate to place trust in you. What do you do?

You try harder. Insight of the hardworking.

Right. Take a look around you. Everybody's trying hard. Even slackers lie about trying hard. Why should people belive you?

How about, you try harder, because you are only #2. Not #1. Not #3. Ah ha, the idea.

#1 is fine. No problems. Just keep doing the safe thing. #2 is not. They have a target in front, and #3, 4, 5 and plenty more behind. #2 gotta keep moving. #2 tries harder, or they won't stay #2 for long.

Exactly what Avis did in their ads. One of the best campaigns ever, with a USP others cannot steal. How can another competitor proclaim they are #2? Or say they try harder?

An idea is clever. An insight is true. Combine them, and you'll achieve greatness. Good luck.

And the anti-sunscreen

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '98,

People often ask me if I have any advice to offer. And when they do, I tell them this:

If you're unsure about what you're going to do with your life, try to remember, some of the most interesting people didn't know what they were going to do at age twenty-two or even at forty. And nearly all of them are unemployed drug addicts forced to live on cat food.

Also understand that friends will come and go, this is because of your irritating personality, nobody likes you. So if the only thing getting you through the day is the misconception that people like you, end it now. (bang)

Learn how to smoke Whinny Blues, if you're under-aged, get an older kid to buy them for you.

Get to really know your parents, they're good for money, milk them, then put them in an old people's home.

Travel as often as you can, live in New York City once, live in Northern California once, never live in Adelaide, It's a hole.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, if you do have children, lock them under the stairs.

Do one thing each day that scares you, sing, dance, jump in front of a car.

Do not trust anyone who tries to update Sheakespear for the kids, and if you see Quindon Tarver in the street, punch him in the face for me.

If you're worried about the way you look, try to remember, you're probably fatter than you think, maybe you should consider an eating disorder.

Don't worry too much about the future. If you're nervous about an exam, ring up your school to schedule time, and make a bomb threat.

If you're a girl, lie about period pains to get out of anything you don't want to do.

Cheat if you think you can get away with it. Remember, someone with richer parents is getting private tuition.

Shop-lift as often as you can, Shopping Centres factor shop-lifting into their prices, so if you don't do it, it's like they're getting money for free.

When you're on work experience, steal a cab-charge, and take a Taxi to Perth.

Wear sunscreen, but only if it's that coconut oil that gives you cancer.

Keep your old love letters, if you see an old lover in the street, try to run them over in your car.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or else by the time you're thirty-five, you'll look like Greg Matthews.

Remember you can wear your underwear four times without washing them, Forwards, Backwards, inside-out Forwards, inside-out Backwards.

Congregate in gangs around train stations and shopping centres, it's a free country,

It's public space. Skateboard on War Memorials.

Smoke in your School uniform.

Set off car alarms.

Plant Drugs on a teacher.

Join a cult.

Spike Drinks.

Don't flush public toilets.

Remember, only you will truly take care of you, so carry a concealed weapon.

Don't wear your 'P' plates.

Walk around with your eye lids rolled back.

Touch your tongue on the tip of batteries.

Be open to new love. Remember, you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.

Expect others to support you, it's easy to get the doll and still do cash in hand work.

Respect your elders, when your grandma dies, have her stuffed.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when you're knee capped by a loan shark.

Get revenge, don't forgive anyone for anything,

But most of all, don't aim too high, you're probably only suited to an office or factory job.

And trust me on the Whinny Blues.

Sunscreen

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97.

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year- olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody's else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont' be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Everything happens for a reason

Season 2 of Lost has premiered in the US. What will happen to Sawyer, Jin and Michael? What is in the hatch? And the others? Expect some (not all) answers this season.

And the numbers. 4 8 15 16 23 42. They are significant this season as well. So much so that fans have devoted a blog to investigate the minute details we forgo. Like:

4:
- # of years Locke was in his wheelchair.
- # of guns in the marshall's case.
- # of aces on Boone's T-shirt.
- # of years since Hurley's grandfather got his pacemaker.
- Driveshaft is #234 on the jukebox (23 and 4).

16:
- # of years Danielle's distress signal has been looping.
- # of weeks since someone won the lottery before Hurley.
- # of years since Sam and Lenny heard the numbers.
- Jack, Kate, and Charlie found the pilot 16 hours after the crash.

Here's a personal favourite.
23: # of times Jack hits Charlie on the chest while performing CPR before Kate tells him to stop.

Some people have way way too much time.

South Park

Tomorrow is Friday, so that makes it an excellent excuse to skip work and make your own South Park character.

A 1,000 different sicko combis to choose from. Hurry!

Bullshot

Here we go again

The latest iPod killer is... another iPod. The iPod nano has officially murdered the iPod Mini, and the competition. Check out the black one. Cool.

Warcries, anybody?

Help function

I think Nintendo DS (handheld) has a sketch-&-chat function. I don't know. I can't be bothered.

Funny comic though.

Demons

Nicknamed the Noonsday Demon, depression, is the monster that hugs our souls and infects our minds with its paralytic venom. It is called so, as Andrew Solomon says, because it manifests in our plain sight and refuses to go away. Other demons, like greed or lust, can be defeated if we can see them as the pits of our consciousness. But depression, the stubborn kid, manifests in the pride of the sunny weather, shape, size and all, and pokes at our pathetic self, making ridiculous remarks in the process.

Why can't we erase it from our minds, even after we see it as it is?

Scientists everywhere have been trying to solve it for years. But nothings avails yet. Personally, I feel depression is merely a disguise. A mutation of a deeper problem that we deny. Through running and hiding from the deeper problem, we give it strength and endurance. It becomes the Noonsday Demon.

Having looked inside, I have identified my real problem as rage. Uncontrollable anger that overtakes me and changes me into another person. Not unlike The Incredible Hulk, except I don't grow muscles and turn green.

My sister was the catalyst that got me thinking. Every Sunday, after a tutition session, I always fume at the edges of insanity. I am unhappy at her progress. How she keeps making the same basic mistakes that I've been correcting for the last 3 months. That irks me a lot. I've shouted at her. Howled at her. Scolded her. Though I've never physically hit her, I believe the damage I've done to her is the same, if not greater.

But that is wrong. So wrong. She's only 11. A kid. An age for mistakes. And I have no right to hurt her, no matter the circumstances.

Someone smart once said, "You are no bigger than the thing that angers you."

So I thought about it. Went deeper within my memories. And I discovered many, many cases of my rage in the past. They usurped my conscious and like a man possessed, I have done harm to many people. I don't know how the people affected feel. But I fear myself so much. I run. I hide. I repress. Hence, I'm depressed and I erase my memories. I refuse to recall.

Enough. I am not running anymore. I will confront this beast by its horns.

Natalie Goldberg wrote that demons exist within our hearts to guard the treasures. Rage is my demon, not depression. And I intend to get past it to behold the shining gems.

Evil

Screenshot from World of Warcraft. Yes. This is how the actual game looks like when you play. Pure evil.

Anger

Grant me the stubbornness to change what I can, the laziness to accept what I cannot, and enough beer to sit around and endlessly discuss the difference between the two.
Dick Dunn

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Laurence J. Peter

A man is measured by the size of things that anger him.
Geof Greenleaf

Hammurderer

This is McDonald's discontinued advertising mascot, "The Hammurderer," a mischievous, homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches.

He has a long rap sheet of burger-related crimes and a signature cry of 'Stabble Stabble Stabble' and that justifies his place in the proud lineage of McDonaldland mischief-makers.

A few weeks ago, the Hammurderer decapitated Mayor McCheese and ate his head in a children's coloring book. Responding to widespread public outrage, McDonald's executives defended it as "not nearly as violent or socially irresponsible as it has been made out to be, given that the Mayor's head is, in fact, a giant and conceivably edible cheeseburger."

Hammurderer toys and promotional items, which include dolls, T-shirts, ski masks, and spiked bats, have been recalled and are expected to become prized collectibles.

There was an uproar over the latest commercial, in which Birdie The Early Bird is garroted by the Hammurderer and her body tossed in a Dumpster, was vociferous enough to prompt the fast-food giant to pull the plug.

Compare Hammurderer to the 1982 mascot, "Shakes McJunkie," an emaciated addict who robbed characters of their possessions, which he then sold to buy McDonald's shakes. He was later reworked as "The Machead," a homeless, wild-eyed Big Mac addict who turned to panhandling and gay prostitution as a means of supporting his severe burger habit.

I'm sure kids 12-years and below can tell the difference. If in doubt, they would ask their parents. Ain't it so, McDonald's?

Just so you know, this story is made up. Yes. Some people have way too much time.

Run!

There are 8 exit signs in The Agency and they all tell the truth.

On the road again

Staying too long in one place stagnates a person. After you grow accustomed to the ways to the place, the people and the culture, you take it for granted. The freshness dies and you don't feel the need to explore anymore. Your place grows too comfortable to move. And your butt grows roots.

Staying within the comfort zone is a deterrent to success. What will you challenge tomorrow? What rules will you break? Heck, why break the rules anyway when you can keep within safe distances and be well-fed at the same time? Where's the spirit of adventure? Gone.

Keep moving. That's the way to go. It's the only path to new ideas.

WTF

Someone has made a church of LEGO.

It took about a year and a half of planning, building and photographing, more than 75,000 pieces of LEGO to complete. Size-wise, it is about 2.2 m x 1.7 m x 0.76 m.

A true story

This is a true story of a junior creative in a London agency

when I first started, the creative director was fantastic and incredibly talented, but a very hard and brutal creative director. He brought me on board, and in the first year, I worked seven days a week for twelve months, and I didn’t produce a single ad in that time. I was mortified! And at Christmas, I was called into his office for my end of year appraisal, and I was convinced he was going to fire me. He called me in, shut the door, sat me down, and this is what he told me:

“I just wanted to say to you that we’ve failed you. If we could produce the work that you write, this agency would be ten times better. We cannot sell the quality of work that you write, and thus we have let you down. But I want you to know, keep writing what you write, and eventually one day we will sell that quality of work. And as a consequence I want to double your salary.�

The Agency

The first day I was in the agency, I spent a long time sitting in the reception, looking at the inscriptions on the wall. It was a farewell speech by it's founder, talking about his visions for the firm after he died. He requested his name to be taken off the agency's, should it no longer do creative work of the highest quality. He capped it off with a mild threat to return from his grave to undo his name, if we were to pursue big money, and not big ideas.

That was in the 60s. As of today, there are around 80 employees in this agency. I wonder how many knew of this speech he gave.

Mr X, your agency, I'm afraid, has already changed its name a long time ago. Hiding beneath your rusting initials, the mentality of the agency has corrupted, like apples put out to ruin.

The people here do not know it yet. Reality has not catched up with truth. But it will. One day, the engines of this ancient behemoth will cough, spit and breathe its last before lying in the wake of its lifeless mess.

And when the future folks look back at this fallen giant and examine the reasons, they will exclaim," The ghost was here, and we were too blind to see it."

Will this ever happen to us?

Barbie Horse

The Island

Got this from ST Life.

The Island, an entertaining flick about clones who don't know they are clones, features an idyllic island, advanced technology, people in white uniforms, obeying instructions, not trained to think independently, lining up eagerly for a lottery and generally kept in the dark about very important things.

I don't know why, I can't put my finger on it, but somehow I feel the story will strike a chord with many.

Pandora's Box

Have you heard of the story of Pandora's Box?

According to Greek mythology, Zeus, the ruler of the Gods, was mad at humans for possessing the gift of fire. So he crafted the first woman, named her Pandora and gave her a box. Zeus also instructed her not to open the box, no matter the circumstances.

Being the curious beings we are, Pandora ignored the advice. All manners of evil were released from it, like fear, jealousy, anger, etc. It seemed that Pandora has succeeded in dooming the whole of mankind, until the very last thing that floated out of the box. It was a small ray of light, called "hope".

Morale of the story: when darkness prevails, always hang on to hope.

But there's a little twist: Zeus had a name for that ray of light. It was called "false hope". Because to the Greeks, there was no bigger sin than fighting against destiny.

So, what are you hoping for? Real of false?

Make your own choice.

Do not run if you are sick

Too many incidents have been reported on healthy people dying from sudden heart seizures. Worse if you are sick, or just recovering. I still remember a professional footballer collapsing on the soccer field in the midst of a match. Even people in their physical prime do not escape this, so please don't fool around.

Take care, and go for medical check-up to see whether the veins around your heart are clogged up or not. You cannot tell your cholestrol levels from your body shape alone.

The Beng Blogs

This you gotta see. Warning, vulgarities ahead

They whack the NKF so hard is not for any charity reason, is only because the NKF stupid and dare to sue them first what. They toolan the NKF boss so they call their newspapers and reporters and lawyer all hoot him together, like those gang fight grab parang and run after one fella, except the newspaper company gang is not use parang, but is use words.

NKF mantra

Durai stunts

Had a chat with my friend about the CEO of NKF.

Here's a way to save his scalp. Make a public announcement on ST(!) to donate a huge part of his money to NKF (50% of $1.8 million). Apologize to the 2 he sued previously. Commit himself to earning the same wages that normal people do, like $1,500 a month. To top it off, personally perform the stunts on his charity shows to placate the public.

If you want to see Durai fed to the lions, call 1900 9111 588 now! You can make the difference to the lives of thousands of kidney patients!

Update!
If TT Durai can't part with his money, he can always donate his kidney.

TT Durai

Please remember this name.

He is the CEO of NKF. As you might know, NKF exists to subsidize the medical costs of patients with kidney problems.

In an on-going defamation suit, it was announced that Mr Durai was paid $25,000 a month. Last year, he received a 12 month bonus, which brings his annual income to $600,000 (give and take a few ten-thousands). Over the course of the last 3 years, he has made $1.8 million.

All by persuading normal folks to donate to NKF. Normal folks who earn less than 10% of his monthly salary.

As part of his job perks, Mr Durai also flies first-class. (NKF CEO fly around for what? International donation drive?) And he also has a gold-plated tap installed in his private washroom, which costs a measly $990, according to his personal standards.

I think the tap in the dialysis centre below my flat costs around $30 (only guessing).

A little fact you might want to know: NKF earns its revenue(?) from public donations only. No government subsidies of any sort. In other words my brothers, we paid for it.

And I thought all the money was going to the kidney disease sufferers.

Mr Durai, I'm really curious. How much you donate to NKF itself?

The Kohs

Have not been blogging for a while... Spent the evenings of the past week watching Wu Jiajing, a 16-year old Taiwanese winning the 2005 World Pool Championship. The youngest champion ever.

Last week, my Philippino colleague, Mike was chatting with me about names. His name was Mike de La Cuesta (sorry if I spelled wrongly), translated from Spanish, means Mike of the Hill. Following this logic, you could say I am part of the Koh family. Hmm... ?

I also happened to bump into an old classmate of mine. She was surprised to see me and after some small talk, she asked: So, how is Edmund? I said he's fine, happy in his job and a smooth love life.

It seems always when I meet old friends, the question most often asked is about Edmund. (It's not that I'm jealous. I've heard Edmund mention that friends who bump into him also ask the same thing about me.)

The thing that irked me is this. Outside the association of Edmund+me, there is nothing. She doesn't know me, doesn't know what I do, doesn't know what I'm proud of and what I dislike. Me, on my own, as a solitary figure, she has absolutely no idea. I have not walked out of the shadow of Edmund+me. If you see me, you must see Edmund.

And I wondered further. What can I tell her about me? What different things set me apart from that shadow of Edmund+me? Is it my job? My achievements? My personality? If I am Wu Jiajing, I could hold my head high to proclaim myself as the pool champion of the world. But I'm not. I am from the Koh family, and sadly, I know nothing about the history of the Kohs.

You lose your roots, you lose your identity.

Back then

What's my dinner doing outside my stomach?

Oh... I just vomitted (hot hottie : b)

Dear all, please put your hands up to welcome Flo!

Must be in a hurry

Maybe he's trying to beat the ERP

Coolest stunt ever pulled

To prove that Volkswagen now comes with air-conditioning (in England), a life-size car was carved out of ice and parked on the streets of London.

Phallic awards

This is the logo for the Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies. If you stare hard enough, it becomes something else. Check it out here.

The Turd Twister

The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during your morning constitutional. Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course. Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs whenever you like!

Imagine the beauty of your turd as it passes through the great designer patterns. And the Turd Twister's advanced design and breakthrough material specifications mean successful turds every time. Simply insert the apparatus, take a dump, and watch the results! Fun for the whole family!

What are you?

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
Tyler, Fight Club

Scary

Man! You could get lost in there...

syn

What do you live for?

Some for money. Others for fame. I hear recognition over there. Oh, is that love you are saying? Or is it sex? What? Jesus you say? You live for the betterhood of all mankind? Oh please...

But if you live for the thrill of overcoming insurmountable odds, you'll be overjoyed to learn that Liverpool has done exactly that in the 2005 Champions League Finals. Pitting head on against the classy Italians, Gerrrard and his crew know they are the underdogs in this competition. Before the match even started, AC Milan strker Schevchenko laid out their strategy to Benitez, "We will score an early goal and Liverpool will succumb."

It was right on the money. Within the 1st minute, Maldini scored the 1st goal and blasted any momentum Liverpool tried to gather. Before you know it, Crespo scored 2 more.

By halftime, it had become too painful to watch. I could already read all the headlines whining about how Liverpool had a fantastic run and how it had to end somewhere. I even turned off the TV to avoid the tearful faces on Gerrard's face.

And would you have known it? Within a short span of 6 mins, Liverpool evened the match! How they picked up the courage to march up against adversity, I can only guess (Benitez revealed later that they need to hold the scoreline. Not fair to the fans if they lose by 4 or 5).

3 fantastic goals in 6 mins. And 3 brilliant saves by Dudek in the penalty kickout.

Whew.

So, are you 0-3 down in life?

Hang in there. Live for the 2nd half.

Ooh ya...

Ooh ya baby, to the left, over a bit... awww... that's it, that's the sweet spot... harder... harder... come on baby...

ooh, you touch me in all the right places...

Hot twins!

What's inside the PS3?

Sony also laid out the technical specs of the device. The PlayStation 3 will feature the much-vaunted Cell processor, which will run at 3.2GHz, giving the whole system 2 teraflops of overall performance. It will sport 256MB XDR main RAM at 3.2GHz, and it will have 256MB of GDDR VRAM at 700MHz.

Sony also unveiled the PS3's graphics chip, the RSX "Reality Synthesizer," which is based on Nvidia technology. The GPU will be capable of 128bit pixel precision, 1080p resolution, some of the highest HD resolution around. The RSX also has 512MB of graphics render memory and is capable of 100 billion shader operations and 51 billion dot products per second. It also has more than 300 million transistors, larger than any processor commercially available today. It will be manufactured using the 90nm process, with eight layers of metal.

The RSX is more powerful than two GeForce 6800 Ultra video cards, which would cost roughly $1,000 total if purchased today.

From Gamespot

PS3 controller

PS3 unveiled!

A gold ad

Dear ladies and gentlemen, this ad won Gold for The One Show 2005 (equivalent of the Oscars).

Whew. When will I get my turn?

Nowadays very hot ah

somewhere in a small town

tagline reads: Please drive carefully

from the bottom of my heart

Best-selling Horror titles of all times

1. Babies: 10 Months of Hell and a Lifetime of Suffering

2. History of the Human Race

3. Bankruptcy for Dummies

4. Help! My Relatives Are Into Multi-Level Marketing!

5. P.M.S.

6. Debugging Windows Programs

7. Why You'll Never Escape The Rat Race

8. The Best Company to Work For: Enron

9. The Thin Commandments : Ten Strategies for Permanent Weight Loss

10. How to Win Arguments With Your Wife

Weather report

You are flipping to the weather report on your daily newspaper, and notice that there's no information at all in today's news. Is it a printing error?

No, it's one hell of a cool advertorial.

Kawaii

Shameless

Stumbled onto an excellent blog, Men of Clay. A wholesome combi of books, history and trivia, great nutrition for the feeble mind.

Unashamedly, I copy wholesale a lovely entry here.

Arthur Godman, who has died aged 87, wrote more than 50 textbooks on mathematics and science, and was the author of a remarkable memoir of his time as a Japanese prisoner of war, The Will To Survive (2002).

Throughout his three and a half year ordeal, Godman never lost his sense of the ridiculous. When the British surrendered Singapore, he recalled there was a rumour that Lt-General Percival had gone to meet the Japanese High Command to discuss the conditions under which British PoWs would be held. "After accommodation, food and pay had been settled, the Japanese said they were going to allow one comfort girl per 10 officers.

'Good God,' was Percival's reply.

"The Japanese went into a huddle and came back and said that maybe they had been a bit stingy, so how about one comfort girl per six officers. Percival was stung to reply, 'British officers do not need that kind of woman'. Back went the Japanese into another huddle and deliberated on the upbringing of British officers and their method of schooling and came back with an offer.

"They said it would be rather difficult, but they might manage one small boy per 50 officers." An enraged Percival, Godman recorded, retorted: "British officers do not do anything like that either."

Inspiration

I overheard this once.

Inspiration dwells in your heart. Know where your heart lies and you'll find inspiration.

What Employment Ads Really Mean

"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.

"Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend.

"Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control.

"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left.

"Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.

"Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

"Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.

Part of the job

I have a weak spot for honesty in recruitment ads. Here's one.

Copy reads: JWT Detroit seeks a copywriter and an art director, but not necessarily a team. After all, depression is so much better when endured alone. Write to john.mayes@jwt.com to suffer.

Who needs bloody enemies?

LeBron sinks jumpers from edge of the court

A TVC which got the US talking abt recently.

LeBron James, btw, is one of the hottest NBA stars of the moment. Some have dared to compare him to Michael Jordan.

In case you were wondering, this ad is not real, unlike the Honda 606 TVC.

fake Puma ad

fake Nike ad

copy reads "You may not survive the blast. But your shoes will."

What makes an ad gold?

hmm.... uh huh... ... mmm....

ARGH!!!

Maintainence problems & solutions

Here are some actual (alleged) logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution or action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Phone messages

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.

"Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message. BEEP."

Hello, you have reached the _______ family and we can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we're done shopping.

Hello. I'm not at home right now because I'm out making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you're probably one of those changes. (BEEP)

Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

Bush here. I'm not in, so please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

x-filey crap

Came across this old bits of dialogue on X-files. Lol for Thomas Crapper

Scully (picking up the phone): Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder: I can't sleep.
Scully: What happened out at the USDA site?
Mulder: They're conducting legitimate experiments. I met an entomologist, a Dr. Berenbaum, who agrees with your theory of an accidental importation of a new cockroach.
Scully: Did he give you any idea of how to catch them?
Mulder: No... but she did tell me everything else there was to know about insects.
Scully: ...She?
Mulder: Yeah, did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honour them? Which may be giant symbolic dung heaps?
Scully: Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?
Mulder: Bambi also has a theory I've never come across...
Scully: Who?
Mulder: Dr. Berenbaum... Anyway her theory is...
Scully: Her name is Bambi?
Mulder: Yeah, both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFOs are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.
Scully: Her name is Bambi?
Mulder: Scully, can I confess something to you?
Scully (not quite sure what she's getting herself into): Yeah, sure, okay...
Mulder: I hate insects.
Scully: You know lots of people are afraid of insects, Mulder. It's a natural instinctive...
Mulder: No, no, no. I'm not afraid of them. I hate them. One day, back when I was a kid, I was climbing this tree when I noticed this leaf walking towards me. It took forever for me to realise that it was no leaf.
Scully: A praying mantis?
Mulder: Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany and as a result, I screamed. And not... not a girlie scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day but instead of being astounded I was repulsed.
Scully: Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girlie scream?

Samsy

We first met Marcus of a certain ad agency on the 11th Feb 2005. He reviewed our work and gave some fair criticism, and also gave us a new brief to work on. Samsonite, and the challenge was to say worldproof of it. A challenge, for it is (in his own words) one of the hardest briefs to crack.

During this period, we did research and went thru the ad books to see what previous Samsy ads were about. Samsy, it seems, is a favourite among spec ads, others have posted their ideas on the net. What we came up with were already done before by others. This convergence of thinking sure is strange.

So, after some hard work, we had around 30 ideas and 2 meetings with him. Everything flunked except for 2. Those 2 survivors were only deserving of a bronze whereas we should be doing gold standards.

Today was the 2nd meeting. 18th Mar 2005. I will remember today.

Look at it this way

Do you constipate?

If you have less than 4 bowel activities in a week, you have constipation. Your stool is hard and dry and sometimes it hurts. Rumour has it that you might even bleed.

Unknown to many, constipation is a moving moment. Song writers have been touched to tears by their own conditions that they wrote a song on it.

Screamin' Jay Hawkins wrote and sang "Constipation Blues" while suffering a serious bout. He had the following to say about the condition.

"I never before had been constipated in my life and it didn't dawn on me until I was five hours on the stool in the hospital that nothin' was gonna happen. I had doctors give me enemas and still nothin' happened. I had tears in my eyes, and I noticed this beautiful roll of toilet paper and I took out a pencil and, at the bottom of the toilet paper, I started writin' the song backwards, from the bottom up. The more I rolled out the toilet paper, the more I got into the song. I wrote exactly as I felt, each movement, each sound, each pain..."

All I can think of is... ouch...

Who wants a hot dog?

You can find out how good your date is in bed if you buy her a hot dog and watch how she eats it. The story says that a frankfurter (hot dog) resembles the male sex organ. Hmmmm. Here are the tips from Weekly World News:

1. Your date picks at and nibbles her dog. "Not a good sign if you're looking forward to a lusty round of adventurous sex," says Kenwood. "Women who pick and nibble are afraid to take chances or try anything new."

2. Your date snatches the dog off its bun, wags it in the air and then swallows it whole. "This isn't a woman for older gentlemen or guys with weak hearts," says Kenwood.

3. Your date puzzles over her hot dog, and then puts it back down on her plate. "Sounds like you're out with a lesbian," says Kenwood. "Better luck next time."

Go help somebody else