Hammurderer

This is McDonald's discontinued advertising mascot, "The Hammurderer," a mischievous, homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches.

He has a long rap sheet of burger-related crimes and a signature cry of 'Stabble Stabble Stabble' and that justifies his place in the proud lineage of McDonaldland mischief-makers.

A few weeks ago, the Hammurderer decapitated Mayor McCheese and ate his head in a children's coloring book. Responding to widespread public outrage, McDonald's executives defended it as "not nearly as violent or socially irresponsible as it has been made out to be, given that the Mayor's head is, in fact, a giant and conceivably edible cheeseburger."

Hammurderer toys and promotional items, which include dolls, T-shirts, ski masks, and spiked bats, have been recalled and are expected to become prized collectibles.

There was an uproar over the latest commercial, in which Birdie The Early Bird is garroted by the Hammurderer and her body tossed in a Dumpster, was vociferous enough to prompt the fast-food giant to pull the plug.

Compare Hammurderer to the 1982 mascot, "Shakes McJunkie," an emaciated addict who robbed characters of their possessions, which he then sold to buy McDonald's shakes. He was later reworked as "The Machead," a homeless, wild-eyed Big Mac addict who turned to panhandling and gay prostitution as a means of supporting his severe burger habit.

I'm sure kids 12-years and below can tell the difference. If in doubt, they would ask their parents. Ain't it so, McDonald's?

Just so you know, this story is made up. Yes. Some people have way too much time.