from the bottom of my heart

Best-selling Horror titles of all times

1. Babies: 10 Months of Hell and a Lifetime of Suffering

2. History of the Human Race

3. Bankruptcy for Dummies

4. Help! My Relatives Are Into Multi-Level Marketing!

5. P.M.S.

6. Debugging Windows Programs

7. Why You'll Never Escape The Rat Race

8. The Best Company to Work For: Enron

9. The Thin Commandments : Ten Strategies for Permanent Weight Loss

10. How to Win Arguments With Your Wife

Weather report

You are flipping to the weather report on your daily newspaper, and notice that there's no information at all in today's news. Is it a printing error?

No, it's one hell of a cool advertorial.

Kawaii

Shameless

Stumbled onto an excellent blog, Men of Clay. A wholesome combi of books, history and trivia, great nutrition for the feeble mind.

Unashamedly, I copy wholesale a lovely entry here.

Arthur Godman, who has died aged 87, wrote more than 50 textbooks on mathematics and science, and was the author of a remarkable memoir of his time as a Japanese prisoner of war, The Will To Survive (2002).

Throughout his three and a half year ordeal, Godman never lost his sense of the ridiculous. When the British surrendered Singapore, he recalled there was a rumour that Lt-General Percival had gone to meet the Japanese High Command to discuss the conditions under which British PoWs would be held. "After accommodation, food and pay had been settled, the Japanese said they were going to allow one comfort girl per 10 officers.

'Good God,' was Percival's reply.

"The Japanese went into a huddle and came back and said that maybe they had been a bit stingy, so how about one comfort girl per six officers. Percival was stung to reply, 'British officers do not need that kind of woman'. Back went the Japanese into another huddle and deliberated on the upbringing of British officers and their method of schooling and came back with an offer.

"They said it would be rather difficult, but they might manage one small boy per 50 officers." An enraged Percival, Godman recorded, retorted: "British officers do not do anything like that either."

Inspiration

I overheard this once.

Inspiration dwells in your heart. Know where your heart lies and you'll find inspiration.

What Employment Ads Really Mean

"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.

"Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend.

"Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control.

"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left.

"Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.

"Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

"Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.

Part of the job

I have a weak spot for honesty in recruitment ads. Here's one.

Copy reads: JWT Detroit seeks a copywriter and an art director, but not necessarily a team. After all, depression is so much better when endured alone. Write to john.mayes@jwt.com to suffer.

Who needs bloody enemies?